youngstero:

how can peach and mario just like casually play tennis with the giant dinosaur turtle monster who is always threatening both of their lives? they all just set aside their pasts to have a good old game of tennis? also did bowser raise bowser jr. himself? is bowser a good father?

(via zackisontumblr)

loser-fish:

Today in biology the teacher asked “why do chromosomes have to stick together?” And I whispered “because they’re bromosomes” and the guy next to me just about died laughing

(via zackisontumblr)

did-you-kno:

If your storage limit is pretty crummy, you can buy flash drives shaped like little pieces of toast, and a USB toaster hub to keep them warm. Source

bitchiel:

justaddtommy:

i think we’re out of ink

have you tried turning it on and off again

(via zackisontumblr)

did-you-kno:

The American pronunciation and spelling of “squirrelled” make it the longest one-syllable word in the English language. Source

dorkly:

The Harry Potter Series by J.K Rowling, Illustrations by Mary GrandPré

It’s nice to see the covers laid out! It’s not how I normally see them, which is ripped and drenched with tears.

(Source: tommarvoloriddle, via collegehumor)

sherlollymouse:

cupcakes-and-ouija-boards:

stephluvvsyou:

tigerhazard:

jamdoughnutmagician:

there is not one search term here that isn’t magical

i know ive reblogged this before at least twice but i decided to read through the entire thing this time and im in pain from how hard i am laughing please forgive me

did a ghost do my taxes. i’m scared of eating ribbons.

This may be the most hilarious list ever.

"am I old enough to walk"

"can you get syphilis from reading about history"

(Source: neilcicierega, via fruitcrocs)

did-you-kno:

About 50% of the genetic material found in the human gut doesn’t match anything that’s ever been classified (animals, plants, bacteria, etc) and biologists don’t know what it really is. Source

pika-brew:

memeguy-com:

I didnt know body wash could be so sexy and condescending

Every time I see this post I think it’s a fire extinguisher and I get really confused

(via dutchster)

tastefullyoffensive:

"Frank likes to pretend he’s a dragon." -yellowben

tacolol:

totallynotmisha:

2002bape:

YOOOO SO LOOK DA FIRST TIME I EVER GOT ON DIS RIDE I WAS WITH A WHITE FAMILY AND U KNOW WHITE FOLKS CRAZY SO DEY DONT FEAR ROLLER COASTERS OR DEATH IN GENERAL. AFTER ABOUT 10 MINUTES OF TELLIN DEM DAT I DIDNT WANNA GET ON I FINALLY SAID YES CUZ I AINT NEVER BEEN NO BITCH AND I DIDNT PLAN ON STARTING THAT DAY. WHEN DA ENGINEER SAID “PLS LEAN BACK AND KEEP THE BACK OF UR HEAD PRESSED AGAINST YOUR SEAT” AND I SAW EVERYBODY STICK DA BACK OF THEIR HEADS TO THE CHAIR I KNEW DAT I MADE DA WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE CUZ I EVEN SAW SOME BLACK FOLKS LISTEN AND U KNOW DAT WHEN BLACK PEOPLE LISTEN A WHITE LADY’S ADVICE , ITS DA REAL DEAL. SO MY FIRST MISTAKE WAS REFUSING TO PRESS MY HEAD AGAINST THE SEAT… THE RIDE TAKES OFF AND MY DOME SLAMS AGAINST THE CHAIR WHILE MY NECK SNAPPED… UNCONSCIOUS INSTANTLY.. WHEN I AWOKE FROM MY 3 SECOND SLUMBER WE HAD REACHED DA VERY TOP OF THE RIDE WHERE THE RIDE MAKES A QUICK PAUSE… WHEN THE RIDE MADE THAT PAUSE I OPENED MY EYES CAUSE I THOUGHT THE RIDE WAS OVER AND WE ALL MADE IT SAFELY. BOY WAS I WRONG… I OPENED MY EYES AND DA ONLY THING I SAW WAS A 300 FOOT DROP STRAIGHT TO DA GROUND SO I SAID “GOD YOU CANT LET ME DIE LIKE DIS”. I THINK I SUFFERED A HEART CONTUSION CUZ MY HEART JUST COMPLETELY STOPPED BEATING… AND THAN THE RIDE TAKES OFF AGAIN… WE MAKE THE 300 FOOT DROP AND I SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT AS IM SCARED TO DEATH BECAUSE DA ONLY TIME A HUMAN SHOULD BE DAT HIGH IN DA AIR IS WHEN THEIR SPIRIT IS BEING SUCKED INTO HEAVEN BY DA GRACE OF GOD.. SO WE SAFELY MAKE IT TO DA END OF DA RIDE AND WHEN WE GET OFF I STUMBLE OUT OF THE SEAT CUZ MY LEGS WENT NUMB AND ALL THE AIR WAS SUCKED OUT OF MY BODY SO I COULDNT TALK EITHER.. DA FIRST THING THESE CRAZY MOTHERFUCKERS TELL ME IS “HEY MAN LETS DO THAT AGAIN THAT WAS WICKED”. I LOOKED AT DEM AND I REALIZED DAT DIS WHITE KID DAT I BEFRIENDED WAS ACTUALLY SATAN. I NO LONGER HAVE ANY WHITE FRIENDS.

please read this whole thing.

the caption makes this post

(Source: cali-cocaine, via dutchster)

did-you-kno:

The NFL was paid $400 million to have players use Microsoft Surface tablets during broadcasts, but they mistakenly gained more exposure for Apple because the announcers kept calling them iPads. Source

People tell me I look mournful. They say, “Cheer up, Dan, it’s not that bad!” Sometimes I just look into space, which freaks people out. If I was ever required to do anything other than look haunted, I could. I’m a happy person.

(via harrypottergif)